Things Overheard in the Classroom

Here are a few memories of past classrooms that still keep me and my colleagues laughing to this day. Some, I guess you just had to be there. Some, you won't believe. Some, may have you laughing so hard you pee in your pants. In any case, I hope you will enjoy ALL!

• Student walking down the hallway first thing in the mornng, nibbling on something that I can't quite make out:

Me: "Princess, what are you eating?"

Student: "Ribs!"

Me: pointing behind her "Go to the bathroom and throw that away! That is inappropriate to bring into my classroom!"

Student: "Aw, man Ms. Guidry, dis my breakfast! I didn't have time to eat it in the car!"

Me: "That is an inappropriate breakfast for school. You want breakfast? Go down to the cafeteria and each a nutrious breakfast! You are not going to sit at your desk and eat RIBS IN MY CLASSROOM!! Now, go to the bathroom and wash your hands."

Student: reluctantly "Yes ma'am."

A little later in the day, a fellow colleague (after I relayed the story) asked the student what she had for breakfast this morning.

The student nonchalantly replied, "Ribs! You want some? I still have some in my jacket pocket?"

• When learning new spelling words for the week, I always make students either write a sentence to show they understand the meaning of the word. One student, who was older than his classmates due to failing twice, thought he was the bees knees. You know, the kind of "bad boy" that all the girls like. Anyway, as we were going around the room reading our spelling sentences, this students' hand flies in the air to share his sentence.

Me: "Ok, next word. Optical, who can give me a sentence with the word, optical?"

Student: "Ooo, ooo Ms. Guidry, I got this! I got this!"

Surprised, but happy that the sometime troublemaker was on task, had completed his homework and wanted to participate (small victories, people. Small victories) I called on him for the answer.

Me: "Ok, The Man, give me what you got?"

Smiling from ear to ear, as proud as he could be, he replied: "My optical nerve looks good."

• As I am walking around the class checking homework assignments, I come upon one student who is "looking" for his homework. I can tell (teachers just know this stuff) that he had not done the assignment.

Me: "T, do you have your homework?"

Student, looking up from his bookbag: "I can't find it."

Me, knowing a good lie when I hear one: "T, don't lie to me? Do you have your homework?"

Student: shaking his head.

Me: "Why don't you have your homework?"

Student: "I didn't have time to do it."

Me, giving enough rope for him to hang: "T, what time did you get home yesterday?"

Student: "Like 4:00."

Me: "Uh huh, and what time did you go to bed?"

Student: "Like 9:00."

Me: "So 9 - 4 is 5. Are you telling me that in 5 hours, you couldn't do your homework?"

Student: "No, because we had tacos."

Ok, so now I am not sure where this is going, so I HAVE to ask:

"What does having tacos for dinner have to do with you not having your homework?"

Student: "Cause the tomatos were behind the meat and it took a long time to fix my plate."

At this point, I didn't see any need to continue the conversation.

• At recess, a student comes up to me:

Student: "Ms. Guidry, do you like dogs or kittens?"

Me: "I don't have a dog or a cat, babe. Ms. Guidry can't even take care of herself."

Student: "No, you have to choose one. Dogs or Kittens?"

Me: "Ok, If I HAVE to choose, I guess I'll say dogs."

Student: "No, you have to choose kittens because you are a girl and girls go with kittens, and boys go with dogs. So you have to choose kittens."

Me: "Ok, kittens."

Student: "Good choice." as he runs away to go play with the others. Leaving me thinking, was there really a need for me to BE in that conversation?

• A student comes to my classroom sent by another teacher:

Student: "Ms. Guidry, do you have some ex-lax for my back?"

Me: "Some what for your back?"

Student: "Ex-Lax."

Me: "Baby, you don't take ex-lax for your back. You take ex-lax when you have too much gas in your stomach."

Student: "I know, but mine is in my back."

Ok, then.

• I have been teaching at a low-socioeconomic school going on 5 years now. All of my students have been african-american, with the exception of maybe 2 in 5 years. We often get into discussions about race relations and how we are sterotyped based on the color of our skin. During my first year, we were having a discussion about how people in the neighborhood view "outsiders":

Student: "Ms. Guidry, I'll be straight up. People in my neighborhood don't like white people."

Me: "Really? Why's that?"

Student: "I don't know. That's just how they be."

Me: "So you're telling me that if I came into your neighborhood, people wouldn't like me."

Student: "Nah, Ms. Guidry, they'll like you."

Me: "Well, I'm white and you just said that people in your neighborhood don't like white people. So...."

Student: "Yeah, but you just white on the outside. You really black on the inside."

Me: (thinking) "Ok, so I won't have any problems coming to your house. Even though I'm white and people will SEE me as white."

Student: "But if you come down my sckreet, you'd be scraight, 'cause you really black and you wit me. I'll tell'em."

Ah, if only race relations and equality would be as simple as a fourth grader, that we all could just "tell'em the color on the inside".

• Many students have learned that SOME teachers are afraid when parents get involved. Students often take advantage of the teacher, especially first year teachers, with a simple saying of : "I'm gonna tell my momma!"

But that DOESN'T work for me, Ms. Guidry. As many of my students say, "Ms. Guidry don't play like dat!"

However, students don't get to me till the fourth grade, and often times I find myself "meeting" with younger children in the hall, or common areas and they have not learned about Ms. Guidry yet!

This happened once with a second grader, who was having an argument in the hallway with another student. I came between the arugment to help solve the "beef" that the children were in the middle of. At this time, one of the second graders began shouting obcenitites at me. So, in true teacher fashion, I gave approproate grade level consequences and separated him from the group in a "time out" fashion, if you will.

Immediately, the mean-spirited second grader yelled out, "I'ma tell my momma you punished me. That ain't fair, cause you ain't my teacher!" This was definitely a challenge to me, to which other teachers have often folded. Except this challenge was going to be different.

As a smrik came over my face, I squatted down looking the student eye to eye, and replied in a very soft gentle voice, "Good! Tell yo mamma to call me. Would like like my number? Or she could call school and ask for Ms. Guidry. Would you like me to write that down for you? Because I WANT to talk to your mother and tell her about your nasty attitude and how disrespectful you are to your classmates and to other adults."

The student became really quiet. And I stood up and walked away.

I don't know if it was my demeanor or the voice I spoke in, or the challenge that I put to this student. But I never heard from the student's mother, and for the rest of the year, everytime I saw this student again he would wave and say, "Hey Ms. Guidry!" This was usually concluded with a hug.

Teachable moment? Done and Done!