Oh what a week it's been....

This week has me not only questioning my job, and my place at my current school, but really I am beginning to question my life, and my place in this world. That's ultimately what it has come down to, this crazy place (my school) is making me question EVERYTHING, from how I deal with things, to if I am slumping back into a state of depression, to if I really need to be in education. The really bad part is that because of all of this, my mother is beginning to question my "state of mind" and is really worried about me! Now I know that my mother is going to worry about me anyway, but because I am so far away from her, her anxiety increase.

Here's a breakdown of my hellacious week:

Monday - Dealt with an angry parent of, "The Man" who when I called to tell her he walked out of class AGAIN today, she was furious with me that he wasn't going on the field trip, and that she lost her money.....seriously, people?

ME: "He was suspended THREE WEEKS IN A ROW!!! PLUS, he got mad today and WALKED OUT OF CLASS! He does whatever he wants to do! Being disrespectful to adults, is just par for the course. Are we really going to reward him by allowing him to go on a field trip?"

Her: "Well you said he could go, if I go with him, why can't he go?"

Me: "Because we've already paid for everything and did not count him in, nor included you. PLUS, HE WAS SUSPENDED FOR BEING DISRESPECTFUL AND WALKING OUT OF CLASS THREE WEEKS IN A ROW!!!! When I said he could go with accompaniment it was before he was suspended. Besides I met with you IN PERSON last Monday, you never indicated that you were interested in going on the trip with him!"

Her: "Ms. G, I have so much on my mind, I can't keep up with field trips." (Really, like keeping up with the behavior of your child?) "When is it? Wednesday? I mean that's money that I can't get back that could have gone to bills or something." (Or something like you hair or nails?)

Me: "Well, I suggest that you make him work off the money that he owes you."

Her: "Whatever."

Nice! Ok, so we are not upset because the student is walking out of class, we are more upset of losing $$$. Now I know that economic times are hard, but seriously, I don't go to work to babysit your child. If I was a babysitter, I would be getting paid WAY more than I do for teaching.

Tuesday - I received an email stating that we had to have grades due for our report cards on Thursday at 4. It's TUESDAY at 2:00. (For those of you who are mathematically challenged, that's 50 hours. 16 of which I will be teaching, and my fourth grade had a field trip on Wednesday, so that's 20 that my teammates will be gone/teaching. And I would like to sleep, eat and take care of personal things, approx. 24 hours for this. That's not alot of time left to organize and finalize grades.) So I shot out this email:

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!!!
I don't know where the breakdown is, but to let us know TWO DAYS before the deadline is a complete and utter farce!!! THE FOURTH GRADE TEACHERS WILL BE ON A FIELD TRIP ALL DAY TOMORROW SO THAT REALLY ONLY LEAVES ONE DAY TO GET GRADES POSTED. (And I'm not even speaking for myself, but for my team)
NO, IT'S NOT EVEN ONE DAY BECAUSE ON THURSDAY, FROM 8 - 4, WE ACTUALLY PLAN TO TEACH!!! A novel idea, I know.
I understand we are suppose to keep up with grades, which most of us have, but seriously, the nine weeks doesn't end until FRIDAY!!!~!~
I MEAN, TWO DAYS? SERIOUSLY?

Ok, maybe it wasn't the best thing to write, but the frustration was oozing out of every part of my body. Here's the reply from my "leader":

Emails like this are not helpful. If you have a problem, please see me.

Yes, because that has worked so well in the past when I have had "problems". (see previous blog about crazy student wielding a wooden cross at a teacher)

Wednesday - Actually, somewhat of a good day than I would have expected. I stayed behind from the field trip keeping all the "behavior" students who couldn't go on the field trip. We actually had an instructional day, and though they drove me crazy, (8 of the worst kids on my grade, all put into one room with 5 other kids) there was no major incidents. SUCCESS!!! But I left school with a huge headache which sent me home taking two Tylenol and going to bed!

Thursday - Heading to school early for morning tutoring, had to stop on the side of the road because of a nose bleed, and return to my house to change (blood all over my clothes). This was proceeded by a huge major headache/migraine that was unbearable. I couldn't get my medicine open and couldn't even see, the pain was blinding. (This has happened before, two years ago, evidently brought on by stress and high blood pressure, go figure) Called into school, and went to see my doctor. MRI pending.

Spoke to assistant principal this night to explain why I couldn't come in and that per doctor's orders, would be out on Friday as well. She told me that 3 fourth grade boys (which we have had trouble with all year and went to the "leader" about their escalating behavior, "The Man" was one of the boys, "jumped" another one of my students in the bathroom. Police were called.)

I felt so guilty and responsible, knowing that if I had been at school on this day, this could have been avoided. I am very sad at the whole situation.

I am done. Really done. There is no way I can work under the "leader" anymore. Children are now paying the price due to her allowing things to be swept under the rug. I can't do it anymore.
I have to go to another school or something, because now that this stress and frustration is starting to effect me physically. I just can't take it anymore.