I Quit!!! Part II

Sorry to all those who were anxiously awaiting the conclusion of my neverending saga. It took a little longer to write than I expected.

When last we left the heroine of our story, me, I had just left the principal's office after handing in my resignation. The second I left her office, the tears came to me flowing like a river. I cried down the hall. I cried up stairs, and I cried down the hall all the way to my classroom. I cried and cried and cried. Several teachers who heard me boo - hooing all the way down the hall came in to comfort me. I cried so hard, I couldn't catch my breath. I was so disappointed and saddened by what had just taken place. My spirit was completely broken. But I still had not realized the magnitude of what I had just done.

As a side note, I later found out that after I left the office, the principal said to the rest of my team, "I guess that's another teacher who doesn't care about student achievement."
(OH NO SHE DI IN'T!!.... Uh, yeah, she did)

Sitting in my classroom crying with every ounce of my soul, I recounted the events to the teachers who had followed me into my classroom, and who were concerned about my well-being.
They just sat there and let me vent, like all good friends do, and were astonished when I told them what I had done. They couldn't believe it, and to be honest, neither could I.

As they listened and played devils advocate, they began to ask the questions that, at the time of my resigning, I did not think of, "What are you going to do? Are you going to finish the year? Are you going to stay in education? Where are you going to go? What's your plan?"

Plan? What plan? I didn't have a plan!!! I didn't even PLAN on giving my resignation. It was just something that I did, JUST IN CASE I needed it. I never thought I would use it. That wasn't my PLAN!!! I was just angry! I was tired of fighting. I wanted a resolution and all I got was accusations and the run around. Instead of finding peace, I found myself in the middle of an internal war. ( I guess an external war too.)

I stayed at school for the next two and a half hours, crying and talking to my friends. I kept replaying the whole situation over and over again in my mind. What could I have done? What should I have done? What would I do now? I didn't know. I didn't have any answers. But the hard part wasn't over yet. Yes, ladies and gents, the hard part was going to be telling my parents.

So I called my mom. Now for those of you who know my parents, you know that they love and support me in whatever I do. Whatever I decide to do, they are always there to back me up, or so they say. Remember, I had done this before (see previous post: 69 days). And while my mom is pretty easy going and usually sees my reasoning and is GREAT at pointing out all sides of the situation, my dad... not so much!

You see, for my dad, there is only ONE WAY of doing things, HIS WAY. There's the right way, the wrong way and "Jr's way". I didn't think that the way that I had chosen, was in accordance with "Jr's way." So I called mom and told her first (I've found that's always the way to go). At first, she didn't believe me until I explained what had happened. Then she said, "Well at least you didn't put it in writing." Um, ok she didn't get the jist. This was going to be harder than I thought. "Uh, no mom I did put it in writing and I gave it to her."

"WHAT?!?!?!" she screamed. Ok, I think she was starting to get why I was crying so much. And then she said the two words that ALWAYS let me know what kind of trouble I was in. "RENI MARIE!!!!!" Yep, I was in some serious TROUBLE.

Now, you do realize that I'm 31 years old, and I live 12 hours away from my parents. But I still value my their opinion and usually pass all big decisions in my life by them, just to hear what they think. I forgot that part in this situation. I think I hear d her screaming my name (both first and middle) all the way from Louisiana, and not over the phone.

I assured her that I was going to do the right thing, but at that moment my head was so foggy and I was still at school. I told her that I would call her back after I had calmed down. (Yes, it was almost three hours later and I still had not calmed down. Still crying.)

I spent the next couple of hours on the phone talking to friends, (thanks Michael) and mom's of my friends (I love Marianne) and my assistant principal, as to what should be my next step. I got some great advice both legally and professionally. (Though I think Marianne's suggestion of telling my principal to go screw herself was just a figure of speech.) I decided I would sleep on it and make a decision in the morning.

The next morning, I got up early (actually I never really went to sleep) and headed for school. I thought about calling in a sick day, but I decided I wasn't going to let my principal get the best of me. I was going to do what was best for my students, and that was to go do my job to the best of my ability. I arrived at school, put my stuff in my classroom and went down to the prinicpal's off. I sat in the chair outside of her office and waited for her to come in, and waited and waited and waited. (Seriously, I felt like I was 9 years old again) The assistant principal came in. Other administration staff came in. And every single person that saw me waiting for our "leader" gave me a hug and asked me not to leave. It restored my faith.

When the principal finally arrived, I think she was astonished to see me waiting for her. I asked if I could talk to her in private. I went into her office and sat down at her table. I confidently explained that my letter was written out of anger and frustration. And while I didn't regret anything that I said in the letter, and I still firmly disagreed with her on many issues, I did regret resigning, not for my own ramifications, but for what would happen to my students. My decision was purely a selfish one. They didn't need or deserve one more person walking out of their lives. I wanted to rescind my resignation because it was in the best interest of my students.

Then she said something to me that was almost laughable. She said, "You really hurt my feelings." (Seriously? Seriously.) I told her that that wasn't my intention, nor was it my intention to prove a point, start a battle, or be dramatic. I really felt that I had no other choice, especially since she told me that I needed to "find another school" to teach at. Honestly, all during the meeting, she made me feel like I was a little kid instead of a professional. But she did give me my letter back and I went along on my broken spirit way.

So here I am, I still have my job, at least for the rest of the year. I don't know what my next step will be. I have decided to just take it one day at a time. I will devote my efforts to my students, and not play the politics of the situation. I have about 65 days left in this school year, and I know in my heart that I have done everything I could to find solutions to the staggering amount of problems that our school faces. Ultimately, she will have to deal with the consequences of her actions. I will continue to give 110% everyday because that's what my students need and deserve. What will happen next, is in God's hands. LGLG!